After the Healing Relationships event, I came home, quietly settled into a spot and didn’t move for a good hour. I sat down in child’s pose, stretching the lower part of my body trying to find some relief from the pain. My entire body felt drained – as if I had just given birth to a child. My brain was in a haze trying to process what exactly happened. You know the kind of haze that new mothers feel right after child birth – not knowing whether what my body just went through is trauma or a good event of birthing my baby. Similarly, I was questioning internally too, whether my event was successful or not. Many thoughts of invalidation came up, but more importantly, I was processing why I feel so drained. I gathered myself and meditated enough to get myself ready to lead the next meditation class. Later that night after coming back home from the class, I just passed out.
Well the next morning, as usual I meditated for good 2 hours to get myself back on track. I had another conversation with Paul.
Me: why do I feel so crappy and unconscious?
Paul: shows me the reason behind my own unconsciousness was an outdated program of invalidating thought pattern that “I don’t know enough”. It got activated during the event, especially when I didn’t feel prepared to channel the meditation. It also lead the way to ignore my own energetic protection and giving to myself.
Me: Yep, Paul is correct; I can’t give to others when my own cup is empty. I reconciled his guidance quickly and cleared all that invalidating energy out of my space right away.
Me: But I don’t know if the participants received value out of the event?
Paul: Participants received exactly what they needed to receive in order to move forward in their relationships. You cannot give them any less or any more than what they are ready for.
Me: I understand that, but I had plans to offer more solid healing
Paul: don’t forget that you are simply a space holder. Could you disconnect yourself from what your participants receive in any moment? This will mean letting go of the control and surrendering to the divine will. We told you before, neither any credit is yours, nor any blame is. Just know that the right amount of healing took place for everyone, including yourself.
Me: wow, I fully understand what you are saying, but a part of me still feels unaccomplished and hungry for more. There are so many things I could have said during the event that would be game changers for anyone’s relationships.
Paul: Garima, your longing is very real and your work is not done yet. Neither the work of your participants is complete yet. There is more to create here. Just sit with this thought and more concrete ideas will come to you.
Me: taking a deep breath, okay I am going to surrender my ego to this aspect of creation that is unknown to me.
Paul: giving me a thumbs up, said goodbye to me.
Right after this meditation, my body pain went away just like MAGIC. I felt emotionally lighter and felt a deep deep conscious connection with myself and the world. Hard to describe in words, but I felt the expansion in my being, my seeing and my knowing abilities.
Later that day, I took my kids out to the park. We were enjoying ourselves. As I had a moment to look up at the sunny sky, it hit me just as Paul promised that it would. I felt strongly guided to write a book around the topic of relationships. He appeared again and said, start writing (right) now and publish your self-help book in the next 6 months. Guide couples to do inner work at their own pace through your content and guided meditations included in the book in the CD form. Then lead them through week long immersions. You’d be surprised millions of couples are ready for unlocking a conscious way of relating with each other.
HOLY COW!! WHAT, A BOOK?? Who would’ve thought that, but man oh man, it feels so right in my heart. I was instantly moved to tears. The tears of joy, gratitude and HUGE love.
So here I am a few days after the event, still feeling the expansiveness in my heart and being. This internal feeling of lightness and consciousness is so hard to describe in words. I am elated to have more direction in life that is in full alignment with my spirit. Who would’ve thought that this event would bring immense amount of healing and clarity even for me?
Even beyond healing, this event actually gave birth to a way more conscious healer in me. Interestingly, all that abdominal cramping and euphoria felt like labor pain in the birthing process – I am too familiar with it thanks to the birth of my two precious children.
As I look back, I admire the perfection with which all these revelations unfolded. When we think we failed are the moments of healing and clarity if we trust ourselves. The universe has our back, in more ways than we realize. Thank you Paul for your guidance and presence in my life.