Recently, I saw a Facebook post and felt drawn to receiving a womb massage. I reached out to the organizer and she scheduled my appointment with a Mayan midwife who was visiting the bay area from Guatemala. My intuition said that NOW is the perfect time to do this healing work. The touch of the midwife's hands all over my belly felt painful and vulnerable. She mentioned to me about a blockage on my left side of the belly and also said how cold my womb feels. The pain I felt in my belly with her touch validated her diagnosis. Right after she finished her procedure, I felt a rush of energy moving up in my body and releasing through my head. At that time, I drove back home after my appointment trying to put the pieces of this puzzle together - what could this blockage really mean?
Later that day, I took a moment to tune in internally. Emotionally, it brought forward deep feelings of grief of losing a child. I never had miscarriages in my life, but my mom had several before she gave birth to me. She even had a still birth right before she conceived me. Knowing that history and receiving confirmation from my intuition, I wasn’t surprised to realize that I breathed these emotions of loss in my mother’s womb. All my life, this grief stayed locked in my body and made me believe that my ability to create anything is imperfect. Can you imagine how this deeply ingrained belief shows up in my life? Well it fills me up with fear in not only creating a life in my womb, but also creating business offerings, relationships, abundance and fully embracing all dimensions of my emotions.
Just like a mother who experienced loss, I grieved hard over the next few days and released the self blame of having my imperfect body kill my own child. Physically, I felt pain in my lower abdomen, hips, pelvis and thighs that was related to this loss that my body was processing. With deep honoring of my grief, I finally was able to let it go through deep breathing and energy work. Again, this took countless hours of meditating and breathing until I felt lighter and removed from the emotions of grief.
For as long as I remember, my cycle has always felt painful. Regular, yet painful. Until last month, on the first day of my cycle, my body has always begged me to cancel all commitments so that I could nurture myself through warm baths, yoga, extra naps and a ton of inner reflective meditation time. I literally felt the strong urge to stay internal as I released my pain/grief in installments. However, since doing this healing work, not only my cycle is shorter, but it feels way lighter in nature. Now the Day 1 feels like a celebration of my inner femininity, rather than an expression of pain. Wow, such a mind blowing turn around within a few weeks of doing this work!!
Our bodies are always trying to communicate with us. How often do we stop to listen and flow with its guidance? Ultimately, tuning into my intuition and going through a process that I normally wouldn’t have gone through was deeply rewarding and healing for me! It was exactly what I needed in that moment and I’m truly grateful for going with my inspiration when it made absolutely no sense in my mind.