Read the previous part of this story.
After the Healing Relationships event, I came home, quietly settled into a spot and didn’t move for a good hour. I sat down in child’s pose, stretching the lower part of my body trying to find some relief from the pain. My entire body felt drained – as if I had just given birth to a child. My brain was in a haze trying to process what exactly happened. You know the kind of haze that new mothers feel right after child birth – not knowing whether what my body just went through is trauma or a good event of birthing my baby. Similarly, I was questioning internally too, whether my event was successful or not. Many thoughts of invalidation came up, but more importantly, I was processing why I feel so drained. I gathered myself and meditated enough to get myself ready to lead the next meditation class. Later that night, I just passed out.
Well the next morning, as usual I meditated for good 2 hours to get myself back on track. I had another conversation with Paul.
Me: why do I feel so crappy and unconscious?
Paul: shows me the reason behind my own unconsciousness was an outdated program of invalidating thought pattern that “I don’t know enough”. It got activated during the event, especially when I didn’t feel prepared to channel the meditation. It also lead the way to ignore my own energetic protection and giving to myself.
Me: Yep, Paul is correct; I can’t give to others when my own cup is empty. I reconciled his guidance quickly and cleared all that energy out of my space right away.
Me: But I don’t know if the participants received value out of the event?
Paul: participants received exactly what they needed to receive in order to move forward in their relationships. You cannot give them any less or any more than what they are ready for.
Me: I understand that, but I had plans to offer more solid healing
Paul: don’t forget that you are simply a space holder. Could you disconnect yourself from what your participants receive in any moment? This will mean letting go of the control and surrendering to the divine will. We told you before, neither any credit is yours, nor any blame is. Just know that the right amount of healing took place for everyone, including yourself.
Me: wow, I fully understand what you are saying, but a part of me still feels unaccomplished and hungry for more. There are so many things I could have said during the event that would be game changers for anyone’s relationships.
Paul: Garima, your longing is very real and your work is not done yet. Neither the work of your participants is complete yet. There is more to create here. Just sit with this thought and the concrete ideas will come to you.
Me: taking a deep breath, okay I am going to surrender my ego to this aspect of creation that is unknown to me.
Paul: giving me a thumbs up, said goodbye to me.
Right after this meditation, my body pain went away just like MAGIC. I felt emotionally lighter and in way deeper conscious connection with myself and the world. Hard to describe in words, but I felt the expansion in my being, my seeing and my knowing abilities.
Later that day, I took my kids out to the park. We were enjoying ourselves. As I had a moment to look up at the sunny sky, it hit me just as Paul promised that it would. I felt strongly guided to write a book around the topic of relationships. He appeared again and said, start writing (right) now and publish it in the next 6 months. Guide couples to do inner work at their own pace through your content and guided meditations included in the book in the CD form. Then lead them through week long immersions. You’d be surprised millions of couples are ready for unlocking a conscious way of relating with each other.
HOLY COW!! WHAT, A BOOK?? Who would’ve thought that, but man oh man, it feels so right in my heart. I was instantly moved to tears. The tears of joy, gratitude and HUGE love.
So here I am a few days after the event, still feeling the expansiveness in my heart and being. This internal feeling of lightness and consciousness is so hard to describe in words. I am elated to have more direction in life that is in full alignment with my spirit. Who would’ve thought that this event would bring immense amount of healing and clarity for me?
Even beyond healing, this event actually gave birth to a way more conscious healer in me. Interestingly, all that abdominal cramping and euphoria felt like labor pain in the birthing process – I am too familiar with it thanks to the birth of my two precious children.
As I look back, I admire the perfection with which all these revelations unfolded. When we think we failed are the moments of healing and clarity if we trust ourselves. The universe has our back, in more ways than we realize. Thank you Paul for your guidance and presence in my life.
Read the previous part of this story
The Healing Relationships event started seamlessly. As I introduced the event to the participants, I felt strong surge of energy in my body. Felt like the source energy came down in my body and spoke through me. Physically, in the vibration of love I felt overwhelming emotions of oneness for my soul sisters and brothers that made it hard for me to speak and express with my tears that represented oneness. In the next hour or so, we consciously danced with playfulness like little children, sometimes like adults expressing our sensuality and at other times like friends simply celebrating our connection. We progressed to the guided meditation part of the event. At that point my guide showed me only two things – snow covered mountains and ancestral healing around relationships. I weaved the two together and channeled the meditation. We all worked through the energy of the themes that play out in our intimate relationships that are common in our entire lineage. It is mind blowing recognition of how similar our relationships are with our parent’s marriage. We closed out the meditation with receiving permission and blessings from ancestors and parents to release any persistent pattern that the entire lineage has been unconsciously feeling. We don’t have to experience the same old relationship patterns in our lives. It is neither our conscious energy, nor our truth.
Even though the meditation felt perfect, I felt a bit of unconscious energy frizzling in. After meditation we did sharing with our partners which also went very smoothly. I was still feeling a bit “non-senior”(not showing up in my full power) at this point too, but everything worked out.
We moved into the Breathwork segment and as everyone settled down in their breathing process, I saw healing taking place at all levels. Many spirits in the form of their guides and deceased loved ones came forward to assist. My own team of healing guides went to each person to help them heal resistances and stuck energy. As everyone took circular, connected breaths through their mouth, I saw the entire gamut of energies releasing. From folks releasing resistance (to life and living) that freezes them with the fear of death to releasing intense past lives of severe control that bring up dominating suicidal thoughts.
As a conscious group of breathers, all of us let go the feeling of unworthiness (I am not worthy of being loved) that gets in the way of receiving love and not enoughness (I can never succeed at fulfilling the needs of others) that in giving our very best to our partners. I held the participants in love like babies as they processed and released these intense energies. Based on the spirit guidance, I wrapped up the event by channeling Christ grid energy of forgiveness and validation. By the end, I felt drained and exhausted - very much physically and mentally. My lower abdomen, pelvis and hips were still hurting. It was a fantastic event, everyone felt lighter and clearer, except for this last part of course. We all exchanged hugs and said good bye to each other.
In the end, the participants only saw me leading this event, but in reality, it was an entire team of spiritual healers, guides and ancestors that flowed their energy through me and assisted me through physical and energetic means.
Continue on-wards to the next part of this series